By Rabbi Rami Shapiro
The results are in on yesterday’s poll to determine whether or not to continue this blog. As I feared none of my Yemeni readers responded, and I was forced to listen to people who, as Google Analytics suggests, are white North Americans of European extraction between the ages of 25 and 100 who make less than $500,000 per year, mostly male or female, and mostly employed in the working sector of the economy.
Am I disappointed that the Yemeni’s didn’t respond? You bet. Does that mean I value your opinions less than theirs? You bet. But does it mean I can ignore all those who wrote in urging me to write on? No.
Of course when I say “all those” I mean the nine people who bothered to write in. I understand that my fans in Yemen may not have access to a computer quickly enough to meet my deadline, but where were the other 2084 American readers? Can it be that only nine people care if this blog continues? Can it be that I would be willing to continue this blog when less than .005% care about it? Can I really be that shallow? Yes, and again, yes. Here’s why:
First, I think I am brilliant and often funny. True, I don’t bother to check my facts, and yes if I can’t find the facts I need I make them up, but that is what every religious leader does, so no problem there.
Second, I just can’t help myself. I read something, hear something, or meet someone odd and I have to comment. True I could just talk to myself, something I do anyway, but myself and I are both convinced that I am too interesting to be limited to the two of us. And there used to be three people in Yemen who thought so too, so there.
Third, I have an obligation to the people of Yemen, specifically my three Yemeni readers… I wonder what happened to those guys? Jeez, I hope I didn’t get them in trouble by singling them out. Maybe they were arrested and jailed and that is why they didn’t write in about my writing on. Damn! I bet that is exactly what happened. They probably don’t allow free speech in Yemen. I have no idea if this is true or not, but now I’m sure of it. Otherwise they would have responded. I know it. They’re my fans!
OK, Yemen, you’ve gone too far. Release my readers! I command you! Release them I say, or feel the wrath of … the wrath of… whatever, just feel the wrath— wrath I say!
Where was I? Oh, yes, why I must write on.
Fourth, I keep hoping to make a book out of this blog and for that I need 200 quality essays that can stand on their own, and, quite honestly, I doubt I have them yet. Following the Pareto Principle, I assume that 80% of what I write is garbage, so I need one thousand essays to find the 200 essays that might be worthy of a book.
So there it is. Narcissism rules. So hang in there, TOTO fans, more is on the way. And speaking of hanging, maybe we should mount a movement to free my Yemeni fans. If one of you wants to take on that responsibility let me know. Re-printed from Rami’s Blog.